Watching the Rangers flail once again in futility, then lose the game on a Little League play, one thing has become apparent. This team will not hit this year. If they are going to win, they will need flawless pitching and flawless defense because the bats are not there.

The 1906 Chicago White Sox were famously nicknamed the Hitless Wonders. They went to the World Series despite having the lowest team batting average in baseball, and having hit only seven home runs the entire year.

This sounds like the Rangers. 

Calling the 2025 Texas Rangers the Hitless Wonders, while accurate, is also cliché. It’s already been used.

But this Rangers team is offensively pitiful. It became official yesterday when, after a leadoff triple by the poster boy of offensive ineptitude Joc Pederson, the Rangers were unable to score him.

Since the Hitless Wonders is already taken, this Rangers team needs a nickname of its own. Because it is universally bad. So, here is the start of a list of names for the 2025 Texas Rangers.

The No Power Rangers 

Ad-o-least

R-ain’t-gers

The Little Offense That Couldn’t

The Bruce No-chys

There’s No Place Like Home

Left On Base

Wrexas

The Rally Killers

Joey Gallo

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