Do you wake up always tired? Tired of the Rangers losing?
Do you have trouble remembering things? Things like, “Did the Rangers lose just one game yesterday or were they swept in a double header?”
Do you suffer from brain fog? Are things always unclear, like why you became a Rangers fan in the first place?
Do you find yourself making wrong decisions over and over again? Decisions like maybe the Dallas Cowboys will satisfy my winning sports fan urges?
Do you have trouble processing information? Information like, “Okay, Jon Daniels is gone, so how long will the effects of poor baseball vision, lack of prospect judgment, constant feelings of failure, and that general sense of franchise malaise linger?”
These are the telltale symptoms of Rangers Fatigue, a common but serious affliction that experts have pinpointed to a certain group of fans of a particular baseball team based in the Arlington, Texas, area. It was created in a lab called the Rangers front office and spread to the public in an accidental leak of incompetence.
Long-term Rangers Fatigue has been known to last up to six years. Multiorgan effects include the heart being constantly trampled on, the lungs filled with the air of failure, the kidneys suffering from overconsumption of reality-altering whiskey, the skin wanting to crawl as far away from the television broadcast as possible, and the brain questioning its own sanity.
As of yet, there is no cure for Rangers Fatigue. There is only the upcoming offseason. Proceed into the winter months with caution as the droplets of Rangers Fatigue are easily passed from one baseball starved fan to another in the air of optimism and hope for the new season.
Take two Jack Daniel’s daily while symptoms persist.