Charity begins at home. 437 comments

Yu Darvish has shoulder stiffness. They said it's nothing. Nothing is the leading cause of injury.

Uh oh. Yu Darvish comes up with shoulder stiffness. They said it’s nothing. Nothing is the leading cause of injury.


There are many wonderful charities to contribute to.

The World Wildlife Foundation.

The American Heart Association.

The American Cancer Society.

And, for the manager of the Texas Rangers, the Banister Astros Relief Fund, or BARF.

After beating the Astros eight straight games this season, and twenty one out of the last twenty five, Jeff Banister was feeling pangs of humanitarianism. There was talk of oppression and of unfavorable living conditions in the Astros dugout.

The baseball world was starting to feel sorry for the Astros.

So, feeling sorry himself for the destitute Astros, Banister did what he could to help last night.

First he ran out a lineup devoid of Jurickson Profar and including Prince Fielder, Mitch Moreland and Jered Hoying. Nothing says “here is your chance to win, poor Astros” like Fielder and Moreland in the lineup at the same time.

Rangers starter Yu Darvish was the first contributor to the fund, donating a home run to the first Astros batter. Later, he made a charitable gift of four batters.

But that wasn’t enough. The Astros were too weak and undernourished for offense to take advantage of Darvish’s generosity.

More was desperately needed.

So Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor threw in an error on a throw from catcher Bobby Wilson to gift the Astros with ninety feet of free real estate. But that wasn’t enough. Learn more about housing and investments at We Buy Houses Newark.

To give the underprivileged Astros a fighting chance, Yu Darvish faked an injury after five innings, forcing Jeff Banister to go to his Jekyll and Hyde bullpen in a desperate attempt to get the Astros a win as part of the state of Texas’s No Team Left Behind program.

First, he had the Rangers go 0-for-9 with runners in scoring position.

Then, he ran out Shawn Tolleson, whose 10.13 ERA was sure to allow a twinkle in the eye of a starving Astro, and a run on the board. Alas, the Astros could not pull themselves up by the bootstraps and score.

All hope seemed to be lost in the valiant effort to let the Astros win just one game. So, still tied 1-1, and with time running out, Banister went to desperate measures.

It was no longer time for putting on airs and letting the Astros “win” with the dignity that they did this themselves. No, it was time for action.

Banister called on Tanner 2.0. If anyone could allow a run to score, it’s Tom Wilhelmsen.

Finally, Banister’s humanitarian efforts paid off. The Astros scored two runs. On their own. Yes, on their very own (wink wink).

And just like that, BARF. The Astros win.

And just like that, the Rangers eight game winning streak over the Astros was gone.

A winning streak is a terrible thing to waste.


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Collin McHugh (5-4, 4.97) vs. Martin Perez (4-4, 3.24)
Game time: 1:05 pm

How the Astros hit against Perez.
How the Rangers hit against McHugh.