Peace. 96 comments

There will be peace in baseball for the next five years.

Last night the owners and union reached an agreement after days of tense, bitter negotiations. It all came down to money, as it always does.

In the end, it happened like this:

After days of stalled negotiations that were on the verge of breaking down numerous times, a representatives from the players was exasperated at the owners constant cries that they were losing money and in desperate need of relief from salaries. He stood up before the owners, pointed a defiant finger, and said, “Stop with this constant haranguing about hurting for money. You willingly, without coercion, of your own volition, agreed to pay Andrew Cashner ten million dollars. Andrew frigging Cashner. Ten million dollars. You are not hurting for money.”

A stunned ownership group was thrown back on its heels.

In a last-gasp desperation move, the representative for the owners lashed back. “Enough with your constant whining that the market is artificially holding down player salaries. Andrew Cashner just got ten million dollars a year. Andrew frigging Cashner. Ten million dollars. In money. You are not hurting for salaries.”

Silence filled the room.

Less than twenty seconds later, both sides shook hands and an agreement was forged.

Play ball.