A bold prediction. 29 comments

It’s almost time to make predictions for the year on how the Rangers will fare in 2019. But before that, here is one prediction that is guaranteed to come true, one hundred percent: Absolutely no Texas Ranger player will go on the Disabled List in 2019.

You can take that to the bank. Go to Vegas and put money down. This is an iron-clad dead-lock certainty.

This in spite of the fact that the Rangers have a pitching staff that could be sponsored by Arlington Memorial Hospital. They have a 36-year-old designated hitter, a soon-to-be-36-year-old fighting to be the fourth outfielder, another soon-to-be 36-year-old who’s a catcher, and a 33-year-old third baseman.

But it is a one hundred percent guarantee lead-pipe-cinch that none of them will hit the DL this year. Because Major League Baseball, in all its over-reactionary splendor, has changed the name of the Disabled List to the Injured List.

The change was needed, apparently. Far too many fans have confused players on the Disabled List for being actually mentally or physically disabled.

“The principal concern is that using the term ‘disabled’ for players who are injured supports the misconception that people with disabilities are injured and therefore are not able to participate or compete in sports,” according to a memo issued by the commissioner’s office.

“As a result, Major League Baseball has agreed to change the name ‘Disabled List’ to be the ‘Injured List’ at both the major and minor league levels. All standards and requirements for placement, reinstatement, etc., shall remain unchanged. This change, which is only a rebranding of the name itself, is effective immediately.”

Many times, this blog has been a parody of actual events. Many times, fake quotes have been written here and attributed to different players, coaches, and executives for comedic purposes.

But the above quote is real. I would like to fancy myself a good enough writer to have come up with that sort of Tomfoolery on my own, but I am not that good. Fortunately, I did not have to. I just took an actual quote from an actual person making actual money to make actual decisions.

It is often said that the truth is stranger than fiction. It’s sadder when the truth is funnier than fiction. Or more pitiful.

So, goodbye Disabled List. For far too long you have crippled our thinking with your lame excuse for an explanation of why our favorite players aren’t in tonight’s game.

They were on the Disabled List. All along we thought they were temporarily mentally challenged for 15, or 45, or 60 days.

“He’s on the 45-day Disabled List.”

“What happened?”

“He went blind. But he comes off the DL tomorrow. He will be able to see again.”

Thank you, MLB, for letting us know they are just injured and not disabled in any way.

What a relief.